Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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