You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
