The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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