There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
