its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
