I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
