I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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