Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
