6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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