She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Vodka?
Forever.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
