She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
