the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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