wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
