I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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