The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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