wakey wakey hands off snakey
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
i believe in u and ur pee
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
