guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
