Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
