Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
This is the high leading the old right now
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
