You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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