Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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