Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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