Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
