your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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