Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
