That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
