My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
