dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
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