Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
