Ambien. No doubt about it.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
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