from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize