I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
