All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
