Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
