First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
