dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
