Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
