I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
