I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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