I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
