Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
