Having a random hookup so left but love u
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
