Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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