Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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