i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
