So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
