this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
