Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
