I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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