we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
