i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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