did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
