don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
