I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize