Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
