Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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