so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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