is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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