shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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