Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
