tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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