Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i think my tv is drunk
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
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