I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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