First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
