3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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