Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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