someone owes me an orgasm
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize