Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
