For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
