I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
