Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
